The woman from the Progressive ads

So here I was, ready to say how much I couldn't take any more of these Progressive ads with that annoying woman who talks about The Dave Aisle and the name tags, and the guy who pawned his watch, but then I realized--

I don't hate her at all!

Actually, she can be kind of cute when she's not wearing her Progressive uniform.

True, I will eat my own liver before I get Progressive Insurance, because these ads are so annoying and because they're everywhere, even on my Yahoo homepage. But it's not her fault!

I mean, look at her. She can be cute. And she's kinda funny, too.

Bellyaching!

"We have a problem. We've convinced almost everyone that alternative energy is a great thing, but there's one group we haven't reached yet: The Real America. Imagine a mix between Bonanza and Meth.

"So anyway, I've come up with a great idea: A new ad featuring a Real American. It will have a lot of things those people like. Yes, it will have God. And the flag. These people love the flag. And a diner. He will even leave a tip. He'll have working gloves sticking from his back pocket--like, he's so hardcore Real American, that it doesn't bother him to eat lunch with gloves in his back pocket. And it'll have the word bellyaching! That's okay, I don't know what it means either, but I heard someone say that in a movie once. Maybe Kris Kristofferson?"

Douche!

What is is about douchebags that lands them the hot chicks? Well, the answer is simple: They show interest. It's not easy to decide what to look at first when you go on Hot Chicks with Douchebags. Sure, the women are lovely. Some have even gone through some kind of lip/boob/butt treatment in order to attract douchebags, and a part of you that you're not proud of likes it. But in the end, they're like beautiful national parks: you've seen one--you've seen them all.

The douchebags, well, that's a different story. Each shows a unique personality and a whole new level of douchiness. There are muscular douches, tattooed ones, orange-skinned ones, gangsta wannabe ones, necklaced ones, and the occasional headbanger without a cause.