Reincarnate This, Weirdo!

Let's give them a commercial they would hate more than the freecreditreport commercials! Let's give them an actor reciting lines so pretentious yet empty that would make them vomit inside! Let's give them a commercial that would make them thank the Gods for inventing remote controls!
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          But why?
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Well, they'll be so angry after watching these commercials, that they'll want to tell their friends about it!
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          And...?
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And they will need a phone to call their friends!
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          Genius!

This one above is not the worst one, but the way she says Deja Vu at the end, like it's meaningful, makes me tremble with hatred.

The one below, though, is the worst one... with her playful eyebrows. Faux-hippie crap.

WAIT! I know what's going on here! She and the freecreditreport guy are Canadian! Two strikes, Canada! Now all you need to do is send Bryan Adams on a US tour, and we're attacking!

Hey, at least she wasn't Twittering

(via)

How to Guarantee the Confirmation of Sonia Sotomayor

So I'm watching some of the Sotomayor hearings, and I know they try to make it interesting by raising some points about her ethnicity and about comments she made thirty years ago that prove she forged Obama's birth certificate, but what can I say... She's not really TV material.

Sure, in her youth, she was kind of cute:

But Obama didn't nominate her then, which means we get this version:

Filibuster...

Luckily, InStyle Magazine has an online makeover thingy that has allowed me to improve the judge and make her Justice-worthy.

Here's my first attempt: Eva Longoria.

Not bad at all, if you ask me.

I tried a couple of blonds after that. Here's Taylor Swift, followed by Heidi Klum.

So it was clear Ms. Sotomayor needed dark hair. Here's my final choice--Friday Night Lights cutie Minka Kelly:

And finally, I added some make up and blue contacts, and here's the final version:

Confirmed!

I hate July 4th. Does it mean I hate freedom?

While for some people the 4th of July means a celebration of freedom and something about colors that don't run (why don't the colors of the French flag run? I never got that), for this Grinch today means shielding my dogs from those evil colorful monsters outside.

On the one hand, the 4th of July happens roughly once a year, so I should take it as a responsible adult and just make sure my dogs make it through the day. On the other hand, I can't help myself. I hope everyone who lights fireworks suffers a minor injury. Nothing life-threatening.

The only thing that makes my day better, other than a large supply of Swifter Wet to clean after the shaking dogs, is watching fireworks accidents videos.

Not Mrs. Slocombe!

Who's going to take care of her... you know... her... her... her pussy?



Rest in Peace, Madame.